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Tonight’s Class

This is for the students attending the class I’m teaching at York College. The rest of you can head over to American Frankenstein, which is Norman Partridge’s new Blog.

Greetings. I’m Professor Keene, but don’t call me that because I’m told it makes real professors angry. Instead, just call me Brian. You are about to embark on an eight-week course on how to write and sell your book. Class begins at 6:30pm in Grantley Hall, room 17 (which is downstairs). You should bring something to write on and something to write with (and that is lesson number one, because if you want to be a writer, you should bring those things wherever you go). If you have any questions before then, or if you’ll miss tonight’s session, please feel free to contact me via email, or on Twitter or Facebook.

LOST CANYON OF THE DEAD

My new short story “Lost Canyon of the Dead”, (which features cowboys, dinosaurs and Dead Sea-style zombies) will appear in John Joseph Adams’ The Living Dead 2, which is now available for pre-order from Nightshade Books ($15.99 trade paperback). The full table of contents can be found here.

How Neil Gaiman broke my heart and allowed me to win a debate with J.F. Gonzalez

I’ve read just about everything Neil Gaiman has ever written. My favorites, until yesterday, were always American Gods, “Babycakes”, “We Can Get Them For You Wholesale”, The Books of Magic, and the prologue to Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (which is a wonderful slice of meta-fiction via comics).

Yesterday, he posted this Blog entry right before attending the Oscars. The part that jumped out and broke my heart — the part that has now become my favorite thing Neil Gaiman has ever written — was this: “There are days that you just want to walk the dog in the woods, write a bit, and be with your loved ones, and this, it seems, is really one of those days, and I should have been smart enough to figure that out, and I wasn’t.”

I’m two months into a divorce. I don’t miss my house or my office or my beehives or my trout stream or my truck, but I do miss the important things. I miss walking my dog in the woods, and writing for a bit, and then coming inside at the end of the day to be with my loved ones. Those are the important things. Those are the things that matter. I should have been smart enough to figure that out, but I wasn’t.

J.F. Gonzalez recently told me that I put too much of myself out there, and I’m sure that when he reads this, my phone will ring and he’ll say, “See? That’s exactly what the hell I was talking about!” But isn’t it an artist’s job to tell the world how he sees it? To express how he feels, so that others may say, “I have felt similar emotions”, and thus, reveal a truth about the human condition? And if so, then isn’t that what Neil Gaiman did yesterday? And isn’t that what I’m doing now, as I type this in an apartment that doesn’t feel at all like home, but with each passing day, feels more and more like a prison cell in which I’ll be serving out a life sentence?

Writing is a weird gig. Sometimes, I like to fantasize that I became a plumber instead…

THE LAST ZOMBIE #1

Here is the cover for the first issue of The Last Zombie. Note: This won’t be available for pre-order from your local comic shop until next month, when it’s listed in Diamond’s Previews.

LZ_cvr (2)

Weekend Update

New installment of Deluge!

Maelstrom is coming… but what is it?

More music based on or inspired by my books.

Another good review of Darkness on the Edge of Town.

Alethea Kontis entertains York, PA.

Tom Piccirilli entertains the internet.

Which of my Facebook pages is right for you?

How e-books are made.

Hot discussions at The Keenedom.

More raves for DotEoT

“Keene delivers again in Darkness on the Edge of Town… a personable read that yields a sharpness rarely found in a horror novel.”

DELUGE (Part 45)

Note: This week’s installment was posted without the editing prowess of pre-reader Mark ‘Dezm’ Sylva, who decided it was more important to take his family to Disney World than it was to stay home and proofread this chapter. Therefore, if you find a typo or continuity error, please mention it in the comments.

“How about this instead?” Novak raised one hand as the shotgun centered on his chest.

“Both of them, motherfucker.”

“I can’t,” Novak insisted. “I think I may have broke my other hand.”

“He’s not kidding,” Gail said. “Please…”

Their attacker swung the weapon toward her. “Shut up. Both of you just shut the hell up.”

“Look,” Novak said, his voice calm and assured. “We don’t have anything except the clothes we’re wearing. If you want the boat, you can have it. You can take it and sail right on out of here. Just don’t kill us.”

The stranger didn’t respond. Indeed, he gave no indication that he’d even heard Novak’s offer. His yellow poncho flapped around his waist as the breeze picked up. Raindrops pattered against his green rubber waders. The wet gauze covering his face seemed to move on its own. Gail tried to see past his aviator goggles and into his eyes, but they were shadowed. The man twitched his shoulders, let the shotgun slip lower, and then cleared his throat.

“I want the boat. But that can wait. Come here, sweetheart. And don’t try anything funny.”

Gail felt like she’d been kicked in the stomach. Everything seemed to stop. Even the rain. The waves became silent.

“Come on.” The man gestured with the shotgun. “Get in here.”

Lump in her throat, Gail moved toward the window. The boat rocked beneath her feet, nearly spilling her into the water. The man adjusted his grip on the weapon, holding it with one hand. He stretched his other arm out toward her and leaned forward.

“Take my hand.”

Gail did, trying all the while to keep her own hand from shaking. Her fingers closed around his wrist. The man leaned closer, and began to help her up. As he shifted his weight, Gail suddenly yanked his arm and flung herself backward. The attacker uttered a surprised cry and then toppled forward. Gail’s back struck the bottom of the boat. The man crashed down on top of her, driving the air from her lungs. The shotgun, still in his grasp, slammed against the deck with a ringing sound.

“You bitch.” His breath stank, and he smelled of mildew and sweat. “Now I’m gonna—”

Roaring, Novak erupted from the water behind them, and looped his uninjured arm around the attacker’s neck. The man tried to raise the shotgun, but Gail pried it from his hand. Then, Novak pulled him off Gail and into the water. The two of them slipped beneath the waves.

Things to do in Central PA on Friday Night

Our good friend Alethea Kontis will be among the poets doing a reading at The York Emporium tomorrow (Friday) night. Long-time readers know that The York Emporium is one of my favorite hangouts. It’s a warehouse-sized used bookstore where you can often find authors such as myself, J.F. Gonzalez, Geoff Cooper and Robert Ford fighting over rare Arkham House or Gnome Press editions priced at a buck.

Anyway, if you live in Central Pennsylvania or Maryland, or you’re looking for a road trip, why not stop by tomorrow night? I’ll be there, as will many other members of Central Pennsylvania’s literary and genre collective. Readings begin at 7pm. The York Emporium is located at 343 West Market Street in downtown York. Parking and admission are free.

Teaser of the Week

“Call out the instigators, because there’s something in the air. We’ve got to get together sooner or later, because the revolution’s here…” (Thunderclap Newman, ‘Something In the Air’)

MAELSTROM
Coming Winter 2010…

(That’s all the tease you get… for now.)

More Ob Rock

A few weeks ago, we learned that Church For Sinners new CD includes a song inspired by my novel, City of the Dead.

Today, I found out that The Adorkables, (from Salinas, California), have recorded a 7″ single inspired by my novel, The Rising. The song is called “It’s Not Me”. Click here to listen to it for free. As always, please give these artists your support.

Also, my good friend Richard Christy (of Howard Stern Show, Iced Earth and Death fame), whose new band, Charred Walls of the Damned, just released their new CD, writes: “You actually helped inspire the lyrics to one of the songs! I wrote the lyrics to the song “The Darkest Eyes” about you, John Carpenter, and Stephen King, my horror idols who can visualize what frightens people all over the world!”

I think it’s time to do another one of these.

Concerning Facebook

By popular demand, I set up this Fan Page on Facebook a few months ago. Then, last week, at the request of some old Navy buddies, I set up a private page, as well. Many of you have noticed the private page, and have sent friend requests. Please note, the private page is just that – private. It’s for old high school friends, guys I served with, and a few of my fellow authors. If you want to contact me: Facebook or Twitter or The Keenedom Forum or just post a comment right here.

The Math of Making E-Books

Via the New York Times

This week at The Keenedom

Topics of interest at The Keenedom. As always, you must be registered and logged in to view or participate in the discussions.

1. Tips for beating depression.

2. What really scares you?

3. Cullen Bunn wants your Kindle suggestions.

4. 9 out of 10 readers agree: Wrath James White’s The Ressurectionist kicks ass.

5. The Crazies.

Courtesy of Tom Piccirilli…

Weekend Update

Deluge is back with a vengeance.

The cover to The Girl on the Glider (forthcoming).

You can purchase prints of the cover to Scratch (also forthcoming).

New reviews of Darkness On the Edge of Town.

Self-help books I will write some day.

Camelot Books has a great deal on the now-out-of-print Clickers and Clickers II: The Next Wave.

DELUGE (Part 44)

Treading water, Novak pulled the boat alongside the building. The hull bumped gently against the side, scraping the wall. Novak grasped for a handhold. Foul seawater dripped from his hands and arms. Gail eyed the droplets, thinking about her suspicion that the strange fungus was possibly spread by contact with the water. She kept her misgivings to herself. After all, if that were true, they’d all be infected by now. After suffering through endless days of rain, it was impossible to stay dry. The air itself felt drenched.

Novak latched onto a windowsill and steadied the rocking craft. Small waves lapped against the concrete walls. Raindrops made circular patterns on the water’s surface—no two alike. Gail turned her attention to the office building. While only the four topmost floors were above the surface, the structure seemed stable. It wasn’t leaning, and there were no cracks, holes or broken windows that she could see—at least on this side. The swirling fog hid the ductwork and antennae array she’d seen on the roof earlier. There were no lights behind the windows. Gail tried peering through one, but it was fogged over.

“What do you guys think?” McCann asked.

“It’s quiet,” Novak said. “Sealed up. Looks stable. There’s no way of knowing what kind of shape the interior is in, but I say we try to get inside.”

“What if it’s not deserted?”

“Then we’ll ask them if they mind sharing.”

Something splashed loudly far out in the mist, and the little boat rocked harder. Gail glanced behind them. There was a dark shape in the mist—something large, looming above the surface. She turned back to McCann and Novak to verify that they saw the same thing, but both men had their attention focused on the office building. She looked again, and the shadow was gone.

“Novak…”

He grunted in response.

“I think we’d better hurry,” Gail whispered.

Nodding, Novak pushed and pulled at the window. It wouldn’t open. He sighed, treading water, and then tried again. The window was about a foot above the surface, and the waves kept pushing Novak into the wall.

“Maybe we should check the other sides of the building,” McCann said. “Might be an easier way in.”

“I want to get out of this water,” Novak said. “The damn Jaws theme keeps running through my head.”

He pulled off his shirt and wrapped the wet garment around his fist. Then, gritting his teeth, he drew back his arm and struck the window with the side of his fist. The boat rocked back and forth from the momentum. The glass remained intact. Grimacing, Novak rubbed his hand.

“Shit. That hurt.”

Gail noticed that the waves were growing bigger.

“Hit it again,” she urged. Something splashed softly in the gloom.

Novak struck the window three more times. A spider-web pattern of cracks appeared in the glass. He struck again. On the sixth attempt, the window shattered. He leaned forward and sniffed, testing the air.

“Smell anything?” McCann asked.

Novak shook his head. “Mildew, but it’s real faint. I don’t hear anything, either. I think we’re okay.”

Gail noticed that his speech was different. His words were clipped—tense, as if he were in pain and trying to hide it. He clung to the side of the boat with his free hand. Gail started to speak, but Novak cut her off.

“Can you guys clear the glass out of the way, so we don’t cut ourselves climbing through?”

McCann stood up carefully, waited for the boat to settle, and then began picking shards of glass from the frame and dropping them into the water.

“Are you okay?” Gail asked Novak.

“No.” His face was pinched and the color had drained from his face. “I think I just broke my goddamn hand. That’s all we need right now, huh? When it rains, it fucking pours.”

“Shit.” McCann finished clearing the shards of broken glass out of the way. “Are you sure it’s broken?”

Novak shook his head. “No, but it sure feels that way.”

“Okay, well, I’ll go inside. Make sure it’s okay. Then I’ll pull you up. Gail can push on your feet.”

Nodding, Novak blinked water from his eyes.

McCann grabbed the windowsill and hoisted himself into the open space. His head and shoulders disappeared inside. He pulled one leg through the window, and was about to pull the other one through, when a shotgun blast filled the air, drowning out even the sound of the rain. McCann tumbled backward and splashed into the water, narrowly missing the boat. He vanished beneath the surface. Gail leaned forward but before she could cry out, an armed figure appeared in the window.

“Don’t move, motherfuckers!”

The stranger’s face was hidden beneath wet bandages. Only his eyes were visible, but they were covered by a pair of aviator goggles. He wore a hooded yellow poncho and his feet, legs and waist were covered by a pair of green rubber waders. His voice, guttural and angry, was a man’s. Smoke still curled from the barrel of the shotgun in his hands, and water dripped from the stock.

“Get your fucking hands up,” he ordered.

Gail did as commanded, but Novak refused to comply.

“That’s not going to happen,” he told their attacker.

The man pointed the shotgun at him. “Then you can go to hell.”

More Cover Goodness

Here’s a look at Keith Minnion’s cover for my meta-fictional but pretty much autobiographical ghost story novella, The Girl on the Glider (forthcoming from Cemetery Dance).

Click-Click Camelot… Click-Click Camelot…

(Kim at Camelot Books asked me to pass this on to the rest of you. Pretty sweet deal, in celebration of the forthcoming Clickers III: Dagon Rising. If you are interested, contact Kim at info@camelotbooks.com).

“Delirium has announced Clickers III: DAGON RISING by J. F. Gonzalez & Brian Keene in both a limited and lettered state.  Now, here’s how you may benefit – we will only be getting very few copies and those will be matched up to our existing hardcover subscription people.  So, I have several matching numbered sets of Clickers I and Clickers II that I’m offering on a first come, first serve basis as follows:

$100.00 for a matching numbered set plus shipping (this is published price)

$50.00 for a stand alone umatched copy of Clickers II only, plus shipping (published price)

$175.00 for a lettered copy of Clickers II plus shipping (there was no lettered done for Clickers I and again this is published price)

Now it will be up to those purchasing these books to make arrangement with Delirium to get the next book in the series. Please do not e-mail me asking what numbers/letters I have available as I will be selling these as orders come in and these are not on the site, so you will have to e-mail me your request with how you will be making payment.”

Self-Help Books I Intend To Write

This was inspired by yesterday’s lengthy rant on Twitter (see what you miss when you don’t follow me on Twitter). To summarize, I found myself in the self-help section at my local Borders, looking for divorce books specifically written for men or fathers. The closest thing the bookstore had were tomes from Tucker Max and Denis Leary, both of which I already own.

I decided that if I want to read a self-help book about divorce that’s written specifically for men and fathers, I will have to write it myself. I’ve thought about it over the last 24 hours, and here are some of the titles I’ve come up with. Which one do you prefer?

1. MY FRIEND, WHISKEY: A MAN’S GUIDE TO SUCCESSFULLY COPING WITH DIVORCE

2. EMBRACING TELEVISION RE-RUNS: SOCIAL LIFE FOR DIVORCED, BALDING, PAUNCHY, FORTY-SOMETHING MID-LIST WRITERS

3. HEATHER MAY HAVE TWO MOMMIES, BUT BRIAN HAS TWO EX-WIVES

4. “NO, IT DOESN’T COME WITH A TOY”: A DIVORCED DAD’S GUIDE TO KID CUISINE

5. DIVORCE, FATHERHOOD & ZOMBIES (BECAUSE ZOMBIES ARE HOT RIGHT NOW AND THAT’S MY FAULT, SO THE PUBLISHER INSISTED THAT I INCLUDE THEM IN THIS BOOK)

SCRATCH PRINTS

Prints of Russell Dickerson’s cover to my forthcoming novella, Scratch, are now available for purchase. This is a digital print of an 8″ x 10″ image on letter-sized stock. The paper is high quality, heavier, acid-free and archival stock, 58 lb. (220 g/m2). Cost is only thirteen bucks. They are in stock and ship immediately. Click here to order.