“Their passion burned like a vanity press…”

Posted in Genre News on November 22nd, 2009 by Brian

Last week, much of the industry was talking about Harlequin’s decision to offer vanity publication to authors whom they’ve rejected. While my views on self-publishing are slowly changing (more on this in a week or two, or whenever I get a chance to write about it), this is an insulting way for any mainstream publisher to conduct business. In a nutshell, Harlequin is telling authors, “Your book wasn’t good enough for us to pay you money to publish it, but if you want to pay us some money, we’ll reconsider.”

Nick Kaufmann did a good job of following the story: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4. Special bonus commentary by Nick Mamatas and John Scalzi here and here.

Books-A-Million Sees 3rd Quarter Drop

Posted in Genre News on November 22nd, 2009 by Brian

“Books-A-Million, the third largest bookstore chain in the U.S. with 223 stores, saw its net sales for the 13-week period ending October 31st decline by .6% over the corresponding period in 2008.”

Weekend Update

Posted in Weekend Updates on November 21st, 2009 by Brian

Previously on Brian Keene dot com…

New free installment of Deluge: The Conqueror Worms II.

Only five lifetime subscriptions left.

Shroud #7, featuring the first installment of my new ‘Seminal Screams’ column.

The F.U.K.U. celebrates its first marriage engagement.

I’m teaching a second college course.

How to behave at book signings.

Like at Paul G. Tremblay’s signing in Boston last night.

The photography of John Urbancik.

An upcoming Richard Laymon radio tribute special.

My writing mix for November.

New discussions of note at The Keenedom.

Dee Snider wants you to take back the horns!

Things to do in Boston

Posted in Appearances, Random Stuff on November 20th, 2009 by Brian

Tonight, The Keenedom’s own Paul G. Tremblay is reading and signing at the Borders on Boylston Street in Boston. He’ll be joined by the esteemed Jeff Vandermeer and David Anthony Durham. The event starts at 7pm. Full details here.

DELUGE (Part 39)

Posted in Deluge: The Conqueror Worms II, Friday Freebie on November 20th, 2009 by Brian

Gail plunged into the ocean. She had a momentary sensation of striking something with her feet. Then the waves closed over her head. She opened her eyes and glanced around. The water was dark and murky and she could only see a few feet in any direction. Warren thrashed beneath her, his arms and legs flailing weakly. She reached down, grabbed a handful of his hair, and tugged him upward. He extended his arm and she grasped his hand. Together, they kicked for the surface, and emerged, gasping and choking. They clung to each other and treaded water.

There was no sign of the others.

Gail spat seawater. “Are you okay?”

Warren nodded. “You kicked my head when you came down.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m okay. Where are the others? Where’s the…?”

She noticed that he couldn’t bring himself to call it an island. Not now. Islands didn’t have eyeballs. They didn’t move when you stabbed them.

The surf was stronger than it had been. The sea churned around them, almost tearing them apart. They clung tighter to each other, legs kicking together.

“Hope I don’t need a breath mint,” Warren said.

Gail laughed, but then it turned into a sob.

“It’ll be okay, Gail. All we need to do is find the lifeboat. If we can’t find that, we’ll swim back to the ship.”

“How? We can’t see anything out here? The ship could be gone and we wouldn’t even know it.”

“They wouldn’t leave us. Riffle would make sure… oh shit.”

Warren’s mouth hung open. He stared up over her shoulder. Gail noticed that it had gotten darker outside, as if a great shadow had fallen over them. Slowly, she turned her head and looked. Then her sobs turned to screams.

Later, when they talked about it, Gail would have trouble accurately describing what she’d seen. Despite the creature’s massive bulk, much of its body was concealed by the fog, rain and surf. She had a sense of a cross between a dinosaur and a whale, but the anatomy was all wrong, as were its colors and markings. Its hide looked like earth, rather than flesh. The thing’s lower half was beneath the water but its upper bulk towered far above the waves, looming over them like a skyscraper. Mist swirled around it and raindrops bounced of its body. When it roared, the fog momentarily parted before congealing again.

Warren began muttering the Lord’s Prayer. Gail simply stared, too terrified to speak or even breathe.

Then the shadow deepened as the monster loomed closer.

“Hang on,” Warren shouted. “It’s getting ready to dive. Hang on to me and don’t let go! We’ve got to—”

The rest of his words were lost as the beast slammed into the water and sank beneath the surface, kicking up huge waves in its thunderous wake. A twenty-foot swell slammed into them, tossing them about like corks. For one moment, they rode the crest together. Then, the surge forced both of them below and pried them apart. Gail opened her mouth to scream. Water rushed down her throat. She turned and spun, not knowing which way was up or down. All she could see were bubbles and foam. She reached for Warren, but he was gone.

November’s Writing Mix

Posted in Random Stuff on November 19th, 2009 by Brian

In Laymon’s Terms

Posted in Appearances, Press on November 19th, 2009 by Brian

On December 9 at 10pm EST, Diabolical Radio will feature a Richard Laymon tribute special. This will be a live broadcast. Guests include myself, Jack Ketchum, Deborah LeBlanc, Mike Oliveri, Brett McBean and more. Don’t miss it!

Take Back the Horns!

Posted in Random Stuff on November 18th, 2009 by Brian

Awesomely noteworthy: Dee Snider’s Take Back the Horns’ Project, which will appeal to you if, like myself, you’re a first generation metal-head. Especially hilarious are the examples of improper horns usage.

Available Now: SHROUD #7

Posted in Books on November 18th, 2009 by Brian

Issue #7 of Shroud Magazine just shipped. Among the features is the first installment of my new “Seminal Screams” column, which will focus on forgotten or classic works of horror fiction that everyone – fan or writer – should read at least once in their life. Order your copy here!

Things to do in Tallahassee

Posted in Appearances, Genre News, Random Stuff on November 18th, 2009 by Brian

In addition to writing wonderful and strange dark fantasy tales, John Urbancik is a talented photographer. He has an entry in Photofest 2009, a juried fine art exhibition at the Tallahassee airport. You can meet John this Thursday, November 19th, from 6pm to 7:30pm at the Artist Reception (also in the Tallahassee airport). He may even sign books for you, if you mention that I sent you.

Here are a few examples of John’s photography.

Second College Course Added – UPDATED

Posted in Advice For Writers, Appearances on November 17th, 2009 by Brian

I’ve agreed to teach another eight-week novel-writing course at York College of Pennsylvania for 2010. Same criteria as this semester’s class. The tentative dates are Tuesday nights, beginning March 9th and ending April 27th. Courses are classroom only, rather than online — at least for now.

The fee for this program is $160 which covers the cost of instruction and supplies needed to complete the course. Payment can be made by cash, check (payable to York College of PA), Visa, MasterCard, or Discover.

Register by phone: (717) 815-1451
Register by email: ocapd@ycp.edu
Register by mail: York College of Pennsylvania, Attn: Office of Community Education, York, PA 17403-3651

If the Spring 2010 class is as popular as the current class, we may add a third class in Fall of 2010, as well as a new course for already published authors that would focus on marketing, promotion, contract negotiation and other writing business.

Lifetime Subscription Update

Posted in Books, Comics, Musings on November 16th, 2009 by Brian

Only five lifetime subscriptions remain. For a one-time price, you can receive a copy of everything I publish (with a few restrictions).  Full details here.

This Week’s Discussions

Posted in The Keenedom on November 16th, 2009 by Brian

Five recent topics of interest at The Keenedom that you might have missed. (You must be logged in to participate).

The subtle connection between Ghoul and Urban Gothic.

What are Zhu Zhu pets and will they destroy Christmas?

NaNoWriMo.

Tom Piccirilli’s Shadow Season.

Fond memories of ROM, The Micronauts, Shogun Warriors, Atari Force, Crystar and other 70’s and 80’s toy tie-ins.

Hooray!

Posted in The Keenedom on November 15th, 2009 by Brian

Congratulations to long-time F.U.K.U. members Angie (a.k.a. Starktheground) and Brandon (a.k.a. the moderator most likely to ban your ass if you step out of line) on their engagement, which Brandon announced yesterday. How cool is it that they first met on my message board? That’s got to buy me some good karma.

Book Signing Etiquette 101

Posted in Appearances on November 15th, 2009 by Brian

This is an updated version of something that appeared a long time ago on my old Hail Saten blog. I felt it was probably time to update it and re-post it.

So, I’m finally going to be signing at a bookstore near you. You’re very excited by this. I am, too. I enjoy meeting and talking with the people who read my books. Before you come to the signing, however, there are some things you should know in advance. This will make it easier on both of us.

1. When I am at a book signing, I am at work. In this case, the bookstore is my employer. The bookstore paid my travel expenses in the hopes that my presence will make them money. That means they are the boss. You should respect the bookseller at all times, and adhere to any requests they might make. If they ask you to form a line, you form a line. If they ask you to avoid flash photography, you avoid it. If they request that you not curse at the top of your lungs, you apologize and curtail it. If I walked into your place of work and was obnoxious, disruptive, annoying or argumentative to your boss, that wouldn’t be cool. It’s not cool when you do it to my boss.

2. I do not charge for signatures, nor do I charge for photographs. If you’d like to get your picture taken, don’t be afraid to ask. I’m happy to do so as long as the venue allows it.

3. You are always welcome to bring your own books to have signed, and I am always happy to sign them. However, if the signing is taking place at a bookstore, it is considered polite and courteous to purchase a book from the store, as well. Again, keep in mind that the bookstore has invited me there in the hopes that they’ll make money. So please make a purchase. (Note: This rule does not apply to convention signings).

4. Wait your turn. If there is someone ahead of you in line, and I am signing their books, don’t be rude. Be patient. Elbowing people out of the way is not cool.

5. Give others a turn. I’m happy to talk to you all day. However, if there are people waiting in line behind you, please move to the side after you’ve had your turn. If you want to hang out and chat some more, I’m happy to do so after everyone in line has had their turn.

6. Don’t cluster. This is important. Some bookstore signings (especially those in shopping malls) don’t have lines. If you’ve had your books signed, and you’re done talking to me, please don’t cluster together with your friends in front of the table and engage in a discussion of which George Romero movie is best or where you want to go eat afterward. When you do that, you prevent other people from approaching the table. You also create a safety hazard. If the bookseller asks you to move or I ask you to move or mall security asks you to move, do it. If I have to ask you four times or the bookseller has to raise his or her voice just to get your attention, then we have a problem.

7. Although not mandatory, it’s helpful if you tell me how you’d like the book signed. I’m happy to personalize it or simply sign it — whichever you prefer. Also, even if I’ve met you before, it’s helpful if you tell me your name and how to spell it. Understand that I meet a LOT of people, and while I never forget a face, I might not remember your name. Worse, I might forget how to spell it. And then you end up with a book inscribed to ‘Laura’ when you spell it ‘Lora’.

By following these seven simple rules, you will ensure that both you and I have a great time. Thanks in advance for your cooperation.

Weekend Update

Posted in Weekend Updates on November 14th, 2009 by Brian

An extremely busy week here on Brian Keene dot com…

I’m signing books today.

You can get a lifetime subsciption to my books for one low price.

Deluge returned.

Paul Campion shared some more concept art from the Dark Hollow movie.

And I shared some of Gak’s rough concept art for The Wanderer.

I tried rediscovering my roots

…and it resulted in fail.

But at least I didn’t get eaten by a raccoon like Joshua Reynolds did.

It’s Movember again!

Plus, things to do this weekend.

DELUGE (Part 38)

Posted in Deluge: The Conqueror Worms II, Friday Freebie on November 13th, 2009 by Brian

Riffle came up screaming. He sucked air as a wave smashed into his face, filling his mouth and nose with seawater. He choked, tasting chemicals and salt. The foul mixture felt slick on his skin. His nostrils and eyes burned. A second wave forced him below the surface again. He kept his eyes closed, too terrified to risk glimpsing what might be swimming around beneath him. When he came up again, the ship’s motor thrummed.

“Morgan,” he shouted. “Get back here, you son of a bitch!”

There was no response from the ship. The deck remained deserted. He spotted two silhouettes on the bridge—probably Ben and Morgan. Bobbing on the waves, he could only watch helplessly as the engine grew louder and the vessel pulled away, slowly at first, but then picking up speed as the motor throttled higher.

“Morgan…”

Thunder boomed overhead. Sputtering, Riffle treaded water and tried to get his bearings. He glanced around, searching frantically for the mysterious island, but it was gone. Mist and rain swirled around him, hampering his vision. He pushed his wet bangs from his eyes and squinted, searching for the lifeboat, or some other sign of Novak and the others, but all he saw was a grayish-white haze.

“Oh, hell.”

Riffle began to tremble. Whimpering, he kicked harder, struggling to stay above the waves. His breath came in short, labored gasps. Another wave slammed into him from behind, plunging him beneath the water. When he surfaced again, he was not alone.

A black stalk-like object was sticking out of the water about ten feet away from him. It was as thick as his forearm and covered in sleek, fine hair. Muscles rippled beneath the flesh. The tendril bent in the middle and leaned toward him. The tip held a single hooded eye. It stared at him without blinking.

Four more tentacles thrust up from below, surrounding him. Each was like the first—just an eyeball and an appendage. They had no mouths or nostrils. Not even a discernable head. One by one, they bent in his direction and studied him. Panicked, Riffle swam to the right, hoping to dart between two of the tentacles. They swayed quickly, matching his movements. He darted to the left and the creatures did the same.

Fuck it, he thought. Whatever these things are, they don’t have mouths or arms. What are they going to do? Stare me to death?

He slapped the water. “Go on. Get out of here.”

The tentacles straightened up again, stretching to their full height. Riffle stared up at them, blinking as raindrops splattered against his face. The sea churned around him and suddenly, he was no longer treading water—he was standing on something solid. He looked down and saw a huge oval shadow beneath him. The five tentacles were attached to it. As he watched, the black object opened beneath his feet, revealing a wide, crescent-shaped mouth full of teeth. He slipped inside, up to his waist and the mouth slammed shut. Impassive, the eyestalks watched his death-throes as the water turned red.

Things to do this weekend

Posted in Appearances, Genre News, The Keenedom on November 12th, 2009 by Brian

Friday: Brett McBean will be our special chat guest at The Keenedom, beginning at 8pm (EST). He’ll be talking about his latest book, The Mother, as well as previous titles or whatever else you want to discuss.

Saturday: Big book signing in Lebanon, PA.

Sunday: Kelli Dunlap is the guest on Blog Talk Radio’s The Funky Werepig, beginning at 9pm (EST). Call in live and harass her.

Work in Progress

Posted in Writing Updates on November 12th, 2009 by Brian

Here are some of Gak’s rough conceptual sketches for The Wanderer, currently hanging on the cork board next to my desk. (Click on the image to see a bigger version.)

Working on THE WANDERER. Here are some of Gak's rough concept... on Twitpic

Joshua Reynolds Versus A Wal-Mart Raccoon

Posted in Musings on November 11th, 2009 by Brian

Joshua Reynolds posted this in the comments of Uprooted (Roots Part 2) but I thought that it really deserved its own spotlight. Without further ado…

*   *   *

I was in the local (back when I was still living in SC) 24 Hour Wal-Mart one evening helping a friend pick up far more fertilizer than was absolutely necessary for a tomato garden that so far had only given up spring onions. Why were doing this in the evening as opposed to during the day is a different story and involves five coyotes and a potato cannon so I won’t get into it here.

Anyway, we’re shifting bags, looking for ones without holes and without that annoying cow mascot some of them come with (his issue, not mine…dude’s a whole world of crazy in a can), when we here something moving across the tops of those big metal shelves that all Wal-Mart garden centers have…you know the ones. They look like erector sets.

Now, I have all the curiosity of a stump, so I’m not even paying attention after a bit (I figured it was a feral cat), but my buddy decides he needs to investigate this, because, well, he’s terminally interested in the world around him. So, being a limber lad, he slides over to the shelves and proceeds to hoist himself up towards the top.

Once up there, the shelf begins a-swaying from his weight, and I’m trying to keep it stable (I’m built solid, so this isn’t as impressive as you might think) and I’m calling up to him, trying to get him to come down and he’s yelling about seeing something moving amongst the ceramic gnomes, and then there’s this godawful screaming and he’s falling, locked in mortal combat with something that’s awful fuzzy and awful pissed.

I watch for a bit, because it was funny, then I go to help him get the cat off. Only it isn’t a cat and it’s already off him and bounding towards me like Bouncing Boy out of the Legion of Super-Heroes, and I get a twenty-five pound raccoon in the clavicle.

I slide across the floor, through a tasteful arrangement of pot plants, and bounced off the hummingbird feeder display with that thing wrapped around my head like a hairy motorcycle helmet. Meanwhile, two garden center specialists are running towards me carrying shovels and they try and beat the thing off, but that just makes it hold on tighter and then it gets a tooth in my nostril (I still have the scar).

While I’m being pounded by well-intentioned shovel blows, my buddy comes up running with a bag of mushroom compost held over his head and hoikes it at me-or, rather, the raccoon. Luckily, it let go of my nose before the bag hit it and then it was off and running, none the worse for wear. I, however, had a bleeding nose, several bruises and compost in my shirt.

Long story short, we were asked to leave and never come back. And we didn’t even get our fertilizer.

I’m still banned from that Wal-Mart.