I Still Want To Believe

As hard as it is to believe, The X-Files was not a ratings blockbuster in its first season. I started watching with the third episode, and as far as I know, I was the only one of my friends doing so. The show took off with seasons 2 and 3, but that first season? It felt like it was just mine.

The night I first saw The X-Files, I was a young twenty-something father, working a blue-collar job and trying to become a writer, had just gotten divorced and — much to my dismay (and theirs) — had temporarily moved back in with my parents. That living arrangement lasted two months, ending when I’d saved up enough money to start over again. But my love an enjoyment and devotion to The X-Files has lasted ever since.

I’ve always sympathized with Fox Mulder’s quest. There are things in my background, things I experienced, things I don’t talk about or share with nearly anyone — public or private. Only a very slim few know about them. Suffice to say, I always wanted Mulder to find the truth, because it was a truth I sought, as well. But Mulder and Scully’s search for the truth goes beyond alien abduction and government conspiracies. At the core, it’s a search for answers — to what happens when we die, is there anything more than this, who’s in charge, does the universe have order, or is it just a chaotic joke? Their quest was one that appealed to our human spirit — and that’s a quest that never gets old.

Mulder’s gotten older. Scully’s gotten older. Skinner’s gotten older. And I’ve gotten older. And yeah, that premiere was a little bumpy in parts last night (episodes 2 and 3 are much stronger). But it was good to see those characters again. Good to know that somebody else is still searching, and still asking. Because the truth is still out there, and I still want to believe.

This is a good time to remind you that I made my own contribution to The X-Files universe, with TRUST NO ONEavailable in paperback, digital, and audiobook.

3 thoughts on “I Still Want To Believe

  1. I love the x files as well my friend. It’s funny that you mentioned having to move back into your parents house for a bit. I am in that boat right now. I’m 35, have a wife, a 15 year old son and an 11 year old daughter. We are all at my mom’s for the moment and it is extremely rough being here. On the bright side, today I was finally approved at a condo. Besides a background check to find out if I’m a criminal (as far as I know, I’m not ) I am good to go. My move in date is valentine’s day. My family and I have finally leveled out and are gonna be okay! Anyway, I love the x files (the final 2 seasons went the best) and am excited to see the new show. I don’t watch or have cable (I do have netflix) so I’m just gonna flat out by the blu ray when it comes out but totally relate on the “truth” aspect. I’m sure our search for the truth is different in some ways but it’s still a search that won’t end. It’s so weird, lately these little things have been happening that after much stress have allowed thing to finally falling place. And your post (glad you still have electricity ) just took the cake! Until tommarow my friend, have your self a wonderful day/night! Talk to you soon!

  2. Agreed. I watched the series in its initial run and always loved it and always thought it was part cool questioning of stuff and part kitsch. We’ve all gotten older and what rocked our worlds all those years ago, well, let’s hope we’ve grown and matured and become more sophisticated in our tastes and are now asking bigger, darker, harder questions. I enjoyed last night’s episode, but then all I wanted it to be was a continuation of the older series. I wasn’t expecting a life changing catharsis. That’s the problem. Many people today are desperately in need of a life changing catharsis but they no longer can get off on what they did a few decades ago. That’s not the fault of the show. X-Files was a notch on the doorframe of where we were. Are we really that surprised that we’re taller now?

  3. “Oh thank you, thank you, Fox! Then you can call Scully! She can get this fish out of my pussy!”
    Edward Lee and John Pelan. Family Tradition. Makes me laugh every time!

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