Yesterday, we defined Monrozombi’s popular idiom “Fucktart“. Except that at least one person took offense at my usage of the word, because in some cultures, “tart” is a derogatory term for a woman. Now, in re-reading the entire Blog entry, I find it difficult to believe that anyone would think I was calling anyone else a “slut”. However, since it has been pointed out that “tart” can indeed have that context, I’d like to apologize to anyone who may have taken offense from my statement that the hanger-on in question was a fucktart. I was wrong. They are clearly a fucktard. I hope this clears up any confusion.
Brian Keene
Author and Anti-Hero
Tard is clearly a form of Retarded. Now you’re making fun of mentally handicapped people!
(And that was totally tongue in cheek)
Well, I see nothing wrong with that apology. B, your sensitivity in this matter is extraordinary and you should be applauded for the courage you have shown in apologizing for using a word improperly that may have offended some people who seem to be over sensitive in nature.
No, it has something to do with “Brake Retarders.” It’s a Pennsylvania thing…kinda like “you’uns.”
So…as long as we’re discussing Brian Keene term definitions, may I request a definition and a metric to standard conversion for your term “metric fuckton” please? I am concerned that I am not using to properly represent certain quantities, i.e. “a metric fuckton of books.”
Thank you very much Brian!
Personally when I saw ‘tart’ I thought a yummy pastry. But then I was hungry at the time =D
OK, before this gets any more muddled, just which position ARE you hiring for? Fucktard? Fucktart? Fawning yes man?
I suppose it really doesn’t matter, as my skill sets should cross over as necessary:
- Able to pour literally dozens of brands of bourbon
- Certified in the appropriate integration of “rocks”
- Understand that “Blues” refers to more than a cartoon dog
I look forward to discussing further how I can be of benefit to your organization. Please feel free to contact me via your private email address, call me from your personal cell phone, or simply follow me on Twitter.
- Jim
- Able to pour literally dozens of brands of bourbon
That’s all that matters, right there.
Call me what you want, I’m still going to buy all your books!!!
In some cases I think fucktart would definitely be the appropriate response.
ALL HAIL THE HYPNOTOAD!
I am really starting to get offended now. Everyday I read this blog another insult is waiting for me. (The legend in his own mind strikes again)
I’d have to agree with Melany, I too thought of Pop-Tart. Perhaps a Fuckturd would be a less offensive term?
Maybe if it involves Twitter, they can just be called “fucktwit” or “fucktwat.” The latter may offend the sluts, though.
Are porn actors “Fucktits” and pedophiles “Fucktots”?
There are so many combinations, it boggles my fucktard mind.
In response to Fucktards everywhere,fuck off,leave the man alone,so he can write some more really good fucking books. If you need something from him,(such as a blurb) here is a time saver,THis book sucks,you suck,now fuck off and bother somebody who really gives a fuck.
– Able to pour literally dozens of brands of bourbon
-That’s all that matters, right there.
—
I must respectfully rescind my application. It seems I have let myself run out of bourbon. There’s a fresh keg and another Stone Russian Imperial Stout, so clearly, I was at the liquor store, but forgot one of my main objectives.
I am a FuckTARD.
- Jim
Ain’t right. Should be easier to answer a question about Austin convention than to say FY on Twitter.
???
What’s your question?
While it may not be immediately apparent to Americans, the word ‘Fuck’ is occasionally used in the United Kingdom as a synonym for ‘sexual intercourse’. As a person who has, on occasion, had sexual intercourse, I cannot help but feel that the use of the word ‘fucktard’ here is a targeted, calculated denigration not only of myself, but of all the people I have had sexual intercourse with.
Okay, not such a big list, but we’re going to bloody well have a huff about it, and possibly start a damning Facebook group.
Blurb my book! No, wait, you did that already…
Blurb my… erm… pants!
Yeah, I know I’m late, but the Interweb is such a fucktarderated place sometimes, I couldn’t help myself.
Well, I really wanted to attend your writing course in Austin, but nobody specified the day (out of 3). Since I would drive 3 hours to get there, it would have been nice to know the date. So, nobody really answered. No twitter, this blog or the organizers.
But I do understand, Busy and stuff.
VNS: It’s a 3-day convention, meaning the price is for all three days (as per the website).
Which is fine, Brian, but I’d be there one day only, for the class. That’s why I needed to know which day was it. Anyway, old news. Miscommunication. Maybe next year. Thanks.
I don’t know, bro. I’m just a guest. Not involved with the scheduling and such.