Earlier this week, a reader named Brian expressed concern that my fans might misconstrue a Blog entry I’d written and think that I was telling them to fuck off. While Brian’s concern is valid and appreciated, I responded that I was pretty sure most of you guys understood the type of person who could “fuck off”. To whit: the hangers-on, the users, the peers who contact me only when they need something (like a blurb, introduction, reading slot at Horrorfind, mention here on the site, etc.) Or, to put an even finer point on it, people like Amy Grech.
The following exchange is from just a few moments ago on Twitter:
Amy: @BrianKeene I’d appreciate a follow back.
Me: @amy_grech Sorry. I just follow close personal friends and business associates. Otherwise, my feed would be overfilled and useless.
Amy: @BrianKeene You just lost a follower, then…
Me: @amy_grech How about we just skip to the part where I tell you to go fuck yourself, then?
Amy: @BrianKeene Not cool! Now you just lost a fan!!
Me: Block User
So, please note. My Twitter account is still used for the same three things it has always been used for:
1. To entertain my readers and get information to them promptly.
2. To stay in touch with close, personal friends.
3. To stay in touch with business associates.
If you are not a close personal friend or business associate, and don’t normally speak to me unless you need something, and are following me simply so I’ll follow you back… and you’re going to get pissy about it when I politely decline, then you are, in fact, exactly the sort of fucktart I was referring to earlier in the week. Hope this clears everything up.
Update: I see that, in an apparent effort at damage control, her original Tweet has been deleted, and this was added:
Amy: @MariAdkins I used to hang with him at conventions. Guess I’m not cool enough for him to follow, let alone talk to anymore… 
If by “hang with him at conventions” you mean walk up, interrupt conversations and harangue me to read your book, write you a blurb, introduce you to an editor, then yes, I suppose we were close personal friends and talked all the time.
Damn. You, sir, deal with some seriously deluded motherfuckers. But you do it so well.
On the rare occasions I still peek at Shocklines, all I ever see is spam from Amy Grech and that Eric S. Brown person. Good for you, Brian, for not putting up with that crap anymore. As you said earlier in the week, your shoulders deserve a rest. You can only be nice for so long, and then these people will bleed you dry.
Yeah, that sounds like the definition of a fucktart.
While I certainly agree that everyone has the right to follow or unfollow who they want, perhaps a pleasant ‘Sorry you feel that way’ would have been a nicer approach. Telling someone to go f*ck themselves is rather extreme.
If only mangoes had somehow been involved…
dt
Brian wrote:
most of you guys understood the type of person who could “fuck off”
Well yeah. It’s obvious. Or one with some intelligence would think so, right?
and you’re going to get pissy about it when I politely decline, then you are, in fact, exactly the sort of fucktart I was referring to earlier in the week
Like I said on Twitter, I get the same thing all the time. It’s beyond tiresome.
From Ganja But you do it so well
This is so true.
From ZombiFox On the rare occasions I still peek at Shocklines
That made me giggle. No, really.
Damien wrote: “perhaps a pleasant ‘Sorry you feel that way’ would have been a nicer approach. Telling someone to go f*ck themselves is rather extreme.”
Not really. I’ve been offering pleasant “Sorry you feel that ways” every single day, several times a day, for the last twelve years. Doesn’t seem to work.
But I’ll tell you what. You go ahead and try responding that way for 12 years. Then come back and tell me how it worked out. If you had better results with it than I did, then I’ll apologize. Fair enough?
It annoys the hell out of me when someone asks me to follow them back on anything. It makes me not want to follow them even if they are someone I might consider following. I hate feeling like I have been put on the spot. She obviously didn’t care that much about following you if she unfollowed you for declining her request.
I demand this to be one of the episodes of “Dave Tasers America”
As the old saying goes: you can’t please all the people all the time. Now back to reading The Last Zombie #4………..
Mr. Heimbuch, you have no idea how close this is to an already planned episode…
dt
Wow. Almost flawless — except that it’s fuckTARD, not tart. As in fucking retard.
Mango mango mango mango mango mango mango mango mango mango mango mango mango mango mango mango mango mango mango mango.
Monica: No, it’s fucktart (which is a phrase Monrozombi coined).
Again it’s 2012 Keene making no apologizes and taking no prisoners!!! Either get on the Keene express or get the fuck off as he so politely put it. Brian you are the man sir.
ha Im ahead of myself on the year 2011 either year its the same!!!
It’s quite funny reading the tweets from newest to oldest, then back again. I started reading them, thinking wtf? It makes perfect sense how you reacted, Brian. Sometimes harsh words are needed.
Wow. Just…wow.
Once a fucktart, always a fucking fucktart, that’s what I always fucking say. And, yeah, the “I’m sorry you feel that way” approach is highly overrated.
I think you went about it just the right way Brian. I think people take way too much into the social media aspect, and think that everyone should take an interest in THEIR daily lives, whether it be their best friend or big name authors such as yourself. For them to not understand that you have a very busy life, and career to focus on, and don’t have time to respond to their “hey I just took a shower with my chihuahua” Twitter line, then they need a good “fuck you” thrown at them for being that way towards you.
Peace, love, and lots of great novels in 2011. Year of the Keene!
Ah. Either way …
Isn’t a “fucktart” when you do something sexual with a Pop-Tart?
ZombiFox: “I still peek at Shocklines, all I ever see is spam from Amy Grech and that Eric S. Brown person.”
OMG! ROTFLMAO!
That is SO true! Eric S. Brown and his fucking Bigfoot books! STFU already!
You know B, you’ve told me stories about this crap in the past and I’ve always thought that outside the occasional unicorn lover I would never really witness this sort of sophomoric shenanigans second hand. But today, man, this is just messed up stuff and another reason Shocklines is going to die a horrible death.
For Metornotes, MANGO TASER MANGO TASER MANGO!
I’m diggin’ it.
I don’t know your stuff and have never read your blog before, but a friend just directed me to this post as he thought I’d like it. He was right. So you’ve just gained a fan. Funny how it all works out, eh!
Wouldn’t the world be damn near perfect if people would just think, “How would I react in this situation?” Seriously, you tried to be polite, and she decided to be a sensitive bitch about it. She got the end response she deserved.
You have the right to follow whoever you want. If they get pissy when you politely say “not interested” 100 times, then you are definitely not in the wrong to tell them in stronger terms to get lost.
If they’re so shallow that not being followed is such an issue they weren’t a fan in the first place.
So I guess asking for a followback so Ob doesn’t eat my face is out of the question, isn’t it?
Ah well, I guess it’s back to Plan Q for me…
People need to realize that in this day and age they need to worry about themselves over others. I could not agree with you more Brian. On a smaller level I deal with what you deal with daily. I get about 15 requests a week for book and film reviews by nobodies who think their some bodies. I have a disclaimer on my website to try and weed out the bad and the good, but it can only get you so far. People can be pushy, and you can’t please everyone no matter how hard you try.
In the case of Twitter and facebook; like we all have time to read about what everyone else is doing with their lives. If some of us can be so lucky. I don’t think people care if I’m changing my daughters diaper while watching the weather channel. Personally I don’t even use twitter unless I have new reviews up on the site or some cool horror news to report. I do have this problem on facebook. I have a personal account for family and friends only, and my Horror Bob account that I use for the website. I get friend requests on my personal all the time, and like you have to deal with the “Why won’t you be my friend?” bull shit. Let me tell you why fucktard,… I don’t know you, I don’t want you seeing pictures of my kids, and I don’t want you to know anything about my personal life!!!
The thing is, I’m just a webmaster of a horror website, I’m not someone famous, I don’t want to be someone famous, I review books and films because I enjoy it. I make little money doing it. But there are crazy people out there that will want to be your friend because they want you to like their work; they want a quote from you, and so on… If you don’t give it to them, they go nuts. I got a threatening e-mail though facebook three months ago because I gave some guys films **1/2 out of **** stars. Plan and simple! People are nuts! Brain, you deal with it on a whole other level. I can’t compare, but I know the deal. If you spent time getting back to everyone about their lives, problems and so on… you might as well get a degree in psychology and start charging. You pay the bills by doing nothing by listening and reading what other people have to say. You do what you do best, and that’s write good horror books. That women who just tried to write you off because you won’t follow her boring as life on Twitter, don’t worry, she’ll see your books in the book stores and she won’t be able to resist buying it. You’re like meth Keene, once someone starts reading you work, their hooked. There is no rehab.
you have every right to tell someone to fuck off.it doesn’t pay to be nice in every situation.this person is probably a wacko anyway and would cyber-stalk you.it happened to me and i’m not famous.so telling them to fuck off and then blocking is the way to do it.waiting anxiously for more good novels by the way!
Brian, telling those types of people to “FUCK OFF” is completely fine.
Have a nice day.
B
Brian FTW!
@Robert…that’s what I was going to say about fucktart….
Dude… she lists… Moby as her favourite musical artist… damn. Brian, you were right to do what you did.
“…walk up, interrupt conversations and harangue me to read your book, write you a blurb, introduce you to an editor…”
If this is our society’s definition of being a close personal friend, I’d much rather be your mortal fucking enemy.
Anyone who social networks should understand that “follows,” etc. do not have to be and shouldn’t necessarily be reciprocated. I follow people because their work is sufficiently badass, or because I can learn from them, or because they’re someone in the industry that I should keep track of… or because we’re friends, but that should go without saying.
Those who think that my work is sufficiently badass, or that they can learn from me, or think I’m someone in the industry that they should keep track of (*snerk*) are already following me without me inviting them, and if I had to invite them, what would be the freakin’ point. It’s a small number right now, but I’ve seen a direct correlation between the number of people that give a shit about me and the quality and quantity of my work. The former increases in direct proportion to the latter.
People just need to be who and what they are and let the other stuff come or not as it will. If what comes naturally (“follows,” friendships, reviews, solicitations, handjobs from groupies, whatever!) from your work isn’t enough to satisfy you… get a hobby or do some different work!
LOL…..this cracked me up!
If you ever go into the bakery business, you should sell fucktarts. Blueberry fucktarts. Raspberry fucktarts. Lemon fucktarts. Blackberry fuckarts. And so on. They could have the face of Ob baked into the top of them.
*Gasp* How dare you use the word “fuck” in anything you post. Do you know how unethical and filthy that is?
Let me share what one “fan” decided to tell me I used “fucktard” to describe a Nigerian scam artist. Enjoy…
“you have a filthy mouth …do you not realize there are young adults and older adults who do not appreciate your kind of talk…. please clean it up…this si suppose to be a good sight and talk like yours just gets you blocked or deleted…in your profession , I would have thought you would know better, not very good for business since many people just read the filth from your mouth…may God Bless you on this day and guide you to a cleaner way of getting your thoughts out.”
Too read the entire thread go here:
http://www.facebook.com/authorshanemoore/posts/143981272328739
So, in conclusions, your filthy mouth just lost you a fan Brian. I’m going to start reading Nick Pacione now, you fucktard!
~Shane
Brian…telling her “sorry you feel that way” would have cost you one more fan. You have an honesty most people sorely lack. And it’s greatly appreciated by at least one person
Bravo!
Fucktards and fucktarts, alas, there’s a bunch of them at EVERY con…
Hey, I miss the days of hanging out on TODP, makin’ fun of HWSNBN, and arguing about the “merits” of the Shocklines banning policies…but I totally understand why you aren’t as “accessible” these days. And frankly, you’ve already done PLENTY for the struggling new horror authors out there. If it wasn’t for your old “Hail Saten” posts and what-not, I’d have made far more mistakes by now. Dear Fucktarts: Everything you ever wanted to ask Brian about publishing and writing is already in one of those books.
Oh, and Brian: You should respond to all unsolicited communications with, “Not now, Chief: I’m in the fuckin’ ZONE!”
this shit makes me want to punch the fucking universe.
what the fuck is it about the internet that has so obliterated the concept of personal/social boundaries for so many fucking people?
it’s the main reason that when anyone *does* see me at a convention, i’m usually scowling, mocking, or disappearing.
Man, this is another reason why I don’t read/post on tons of boards.
Brian, man I agree that you, and we all have the right to follow, not follow anyone we want to. Some folks seem to take themselves far too seriously and even so much as to step all over others.
Brian I don’t blame you for snapping at her. You deserve a break and having someone riding your ass for a “leg up”, would be enough for a killer junk punch from me.
Keep rolling man!
LMFAO!!!!
Brian Keene, straight shooting like a fucking sniper LOL.
Fucktart – What a great word, my new favorite. I will now go out and spread it’s use among the masses.
Wait is this blog about me? Shit, I need to start paying better attention. (I am a legend in my own mind. Therefore everything is about me).
Oh for fuck’s sake! Everything these days is about being social without actually interacting. People sit in crowded movie theaters and text through films. They may sit in a booth at a diner, with a friend right next to them, both talking on cellphones during their meal. Instead of going out and socializing with real people, they sit in darkened rooms and use Facebook, Twitter, and other social media websites to “interact” with people who may or may not even exist.
This Amy chick is a perfect example of that.
I’ve met Brian a few times, got a metric buttload of books signed, bought stuff from him, shook his hand, even have a pic of us hanging on my wall, between pix with Jamie from Doctor Who and Charlaine Harris. Does that mean we’re the best of friends? Nope. Does that mean he should be following me on the Facebook? Uh, no. Reality check. Not any more than any of the other celebs I’ve met at those carefully controlled conventions and book signings. It means we’ve met in real life, and I happen to be a fan of his.
I *do* follow him on his website and a few times a year, I manage to log onto twitter. Why? Mostly to keep up with the new books he’s coming out with, and secondly, because he posts stories and links to things that interest me, such as the decline of Borders and rise of e-Books.
In this age of fake social interaction, where people seem to think there aren’t any boundaries, I rather like having them. Maybe I was just raised by better parents?
@Thomas — “Killer Junk Punch” is going to be the name of my next band.
I like the direction this blog entry is taking…. bring back Hail Saten!
God, I miss Jobs in Hell and Hail Saten.
Damn dude. Remind me to never piss you off! Lol..
On a more serious note, her sense of entitlement for being a ‘fan’ is terrifying. Can’t say I would not have handled her the same way… sometimes a good healthy ‘fuck u’ is what is needed to get your point across.
This is bringing to mind Neil Gaiman’s “George R. R. Martin is not your bitch” in reply to someone asking (from the way he puts it out there, I’m pretty sure he was playing something like Devil’s advocate in doing so…) about writers being on social media and how this makes them more responsible to their audience [link down below].
And people wonder why Pynchon stays out of the spotlight.
http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2009/05/entitlement-issues.html
So what exactly is a “Fucktart”, and how do I get one?
Also, the term “fucktart” is, as I’m sure you are completely, calculatingly aware, particularly offensive to an entire gender. Asking, however rudely, for a Twitter follow, does not make one a slut. It may do so in a certain metaphorical sense, but again, this is strictly high school “I just made up a funny swearword to call the agreed-upon loser” behavior.
We had been given the impression a few blog entries ago, back when you quoted Ice T, that you were going to be above this sort of thing, but when easy targets arise….
Yes, Amy Grech, smalltime author, made a faux pas, but Brian Keene, bigtime author – savior of the genre, has proven himself small, petty, and willing to exploit himself as such on his blog.
If Stephen King made comments like this to a supporter, it would be national news. Literally. This is a struggling mid-lister clinging to any mention for attention. “Look how legitimate I am! I have to fend off small-timers!”
lol! Every time I lose a follower, I just see it as one less person who didn’t care about me anyway. More efficicent fucktarting!
Scott
You have surrounded yourself with so many yes men that you cannot see outside the fawning circle to notice your true fan base ( and more importantly, those who respect you) dwindling. You are not a god. You write mediocre books of only marginally original stories. You’ve become pedantic and self aggrandizing. You are, in some circles, a joke, and that is a shame. Because once you were on your way to being a great man. Now you’re just a guy who tells everyone how great he is.
“Fucktart.”
I have just been introduced to my new favorite word! THANKS!
Hi Brian! I ABSOLUTELY HATE the abuse of Twitter. It is singlehandedly the most irritating and pointless “social networking” sites out there. Literally, I am on Twitter to read your posts and Clive Barker’s posts and every now and then chat with you directly. I also realize you’re very busy and you don’t always have time to respond to my silliness. The fact that you are present on Twitter and that you do respond at all is incredibly awesome. There are authors who sell far fewer books than you that don’t respond at all, or if they do it’s simply to spread their spam on our computer screens.
So…thank you, and thank you for calling out Twitter morons. Someone’s gotta do it, man!
- Nick
Dude… I just like your books, I don’t have some obsessive need for people to “follow” me…. fuck her if she stops being a fan over that. I made a Twitter solely to follow you and I don’t give a damn whether people follow me and my boring ass life anyhow. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever posted anything on Twitter.
Thanks, folks. I’d respond, but I’m busy laughing at the insult stylings of L. Elias (see above).
Amelia wrote: “Also, the term “fucktart” is, as I’m sure you are completely, calculatingly aware, particularly offensive to an entire gender. Asking, however rudely, for a Twitter follow, does not make one a slut. It may do so in a certain metaphorical sense, but again, this is strictly high school “I just made up a funny swearword to call the agreed-upon loser” behavior.”
Dear Amelia:
1. I called nobody a slut. (Although it’s interesting that you somehow came to this conclusion despite the text and context. I think that says more about you than it does me.)
2. The phrase “Fucktart” was not created by me, but by movie extra Matt Blazi, (aka Monrozombi) and has to do with pastries and pinheads, rather than anyone’s gender. It’s been used for some time now by many within the genre and industry, and to describe both men and women. Apologies if that takes the wind out of your self-righteous keyboard warrior indignation at the perceived offense.
So this Amy chick starts stuff on the Twitter, Brian calls her out on it, and suddenly a completely unrelated “Amelia” shows up on his website and starts talking smack? And “Amelia Bond” seriously? That smacks of “I heard this name on Doctor Who, which Brian wrote for. If I just change one letter, nobody will know this is a fake character I just invented. Woo hoo, now I can talk smack about him and nobody will know it’s me. It’s foolproof!”
Brian, if you ever have to question whether your fans are part of this “true fan base” look at threads like this. One person with a few fake names, along with an overwhelming number of supporters, and you really shouldn’t have to question it again. We’re sticking by ya.
Well, to be fair, Amelia has commented here before on rare occasions when she is overcome with a desire to tell people what a misogynistic terrible person and writer I am.
L. Elias is a different person, with a different (albeit familiar) IP address.
I am dumbfounded by the hateful comments and expectations from “fans”. What more do people think they deserve? I was lucky enough to meet Brian once and even though I managed to interrupt his lunch he was amazingly gracious!
If someone I’d talked to once started following me on Twitter then demanded that I follow them back I’m pretty sure I’d react the same way. Why can’t Brian choose who he follows without being insulted? I’m thankful that he still invests so much time in us despite the venom. But frankly I’m even more thankful that he is taking some of that time back for himself and his kids if this is the crap he’s putting up with. Brian is FAR too nice of a guy to waste his life on this garbage.
As an attempt to create peace, I humbly offer myself as common enemy. Hence the following summary:
“Over-inflated ego crushes twittering fucktart.
Fawning peasants cheer.
Indignant asses bray.”
There.
Amelia said: “Also, the term “fucktart” is, as I’m sure you are completely, calculatingly aware, particularly offensive to an entire gender. Asking, however rudely, for a Twitter follow, does not make one a slut.”
Wait, so Amelia thinks all females are sluts? Is that what she’s saying?
I think it is!
B LORD: Well done. (Anyone with an email address of “bourbon.lord” is okay in my book, regardless of their level of snark). And it was creative snark, as well. +2 points. I shall raise a glass of Bookers, Basil Hayden’s, or Woodford Reserve in your honor. (Which do you prefer?)
mommy, what’s a philbin?
PS: Someone elsewhere suggested that perhaps Amelia is referring to the British slang word “tart”, which apparently means slut. If so, Amelia, could you clarify that for us? We’re mostly Americans here, and we are easily confused by your English. “Pissed” rather than “drunk”, etc.
I don’t usually drop by here, but some said you told me to fuck off. Can you blurb my book?
Damn it, Lebbon! The least you could have done was cleared up the “tart” in British slang controversy before asking me to blurb your tripe!
I can not possibly fathom where people get these near-sighted ideas about Brian. From the first day I met him, he has advocated women in our field, respecting and acknowledging our contributions to the genre, and has been supportive and helpful to countless new writers, editors, artists, and agents, regardless of sex. Having known Brian personally as well as professionally, I can vouch that he is a man of integrity and loyalty, patience and infinite giving. What you call small and petty is actually exhausted and fed-up. What you think disrespectful is the weary sum-total of a long line of similar behavior that Brian has handled with dignity. Sure, Brian has fawning yes-men. But he also has genuine fans who love and appreciate his work. He has friends who care very, very much for him. And he has family who loves and supports him. In the end, those are the things Brian knows matter.
To be honest, I’ve only met two kinds of people who don’t like Brian — those who envy him, and those who are afraid of being mocked by him. So many people react to Brian based on the tip of the iceberg of his public life, and not the miles and miles of back-history and information that create various personal and professional situations. If they could see it all, they would more than understand that Brian’s reactions are often not only human, but the voice out loud that a whole fucking lot of people have in their heads and don’t always have the guts to say. That people would sit a-tippy-top their spired tower and judge him based on isolated incidents whose background and context are unknown to anyone but him, family, and close friends galls me.
Brian has always been and continues to be grateful to his fans and readers for helping him realize his dream. And he works DAMN hard, day and night, weekend and weekday, to make sure he’s not only producing the best he can for them, but also negotiating with publishers to make sure people get good deals on his work. Brian is one of the hardest-working men I know. He gives way more of himself to the public than the rest of us do, but to all the people he tells to fuck off — here’s a newsflash: you don’t know the man. You don’t know his life, his dreams, his fears. And you have a hell of a nerve to judge.
Brian IS a great man. A great man who, because of his public status, is scrutinized and torn apart for just about every little thing he says. And yet he still says things that need to be said, and thank God for that, because there aren’t many other people in the world that would continue to take the bullets of abuse that he does for the genre he loves. To make it better. To make it stronger. To make people like me, working to carve out my own career in this field, have an easier time of things.
I live in the midwest, and my first thought when I saw “fucktart” was of the word “tart” which can mean slut. I didn’t know it was a british term, my dad said it all the time about women he would see on tv, “looks like a tart” “look at her, all tarted up like that.”
I looked up “fucktart” on Urban Dictionary, and I see that it has a different meaning, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to confuse it with the more traditional definition of tart.
You learn something new everyday I guess.
I personally just assumed it was a variation of “fucktard.” I’m pretty much one of the most vocal and in-your-face pro-Feminist Liberals you’ll ever meet…and I didn’t see anything in any of these exchanges that seemed to me to be sexist in the slightest bit.
Well, given Amelia’s rather impassioned reaction, I felt an apology was in order: http://www.briankeene.com/?p=5572 Hopefully that sets things right.
I was this close to jumping on Twitter a few days ago. THIS close. And now look what’s happened!!
~~shaking and crying~~
Joking aside, on my home planet’s sliding scale of derogatory comments, tart is nowhere near as bad as slut, or tard for that matter. And after fond recollection of those Fuck You All, Hail Saten years, I figured Brian was being relatively polite
How is that people complain about Brian Keene or any other author, celebrity, etc suck and talk shit about them, yet instead of just shutting the fuck up and staying off of their websites, they go ton every day to bash them. What’s even more sad and funny is that they will STILL buy their books, watch their movies or whatever, love the material, and still talk shit. I can tell that Brian isn’t sweating these life-less losers. Especially since they will wind up buying the book anyway, even if only to burn it. Keep up the good work Brian. Looking forward to ANY and EVERYTHING that you release.
hey, can you blurb my booK?
Oh, never mind
)
As I am English I’ll try and clarify. ‘Tart’ is an old slang word for a prostitute. I’ve never really known it to be used as an insult (certainly not a strong one), although I have heard ‘tarted up’ quite a lot to describe somebody who is overdressed. Doesn’t necessarily have to be a woman.
Hope this helps.
Keene can suck it. “Ooooh, look at me, I don’t offer a reciprocal follow for every single person who chose to read my tweets! Look at me, look at me, I want to filter the amount of content I receive!” Ungrateful prick.
Also, I’m getting a little sick of these lame excuses for why the free installments of DELUGE are occasionally delayed. “No new chapter of my free serial novel this week.” How about you spend less time updating your blog and more time writing your free CONQUEROR WORMS sequel, hmm?
I for one don’t give 2/5ths of a shit whether you’re a nice person or an asshole. I don’t want to be your friend or your twitter buddy. All I give a fuck about is whens the next book, when can I get it and how much it costs. I hate the fawning fanboy/girls that think everyone whose work they like owes them some kind of friendship or attention. To me an author or actor is like the gardener. Do good work and I’ll continue to spend money on it. You can sodomize puppies in your off time for all I care.
“To me an author or actor is like the gardener. Do good work and I’ll continue to spend money on it.”
That’s the way I’ve always seen it, too. When I worked in a foundry, I had to make X amount of molds by the end of the day, or I didn’t get paid. As a writer, I have to write X amount of words by the end of the day, or I don’t get paid. If the molds were bad, I didn’t keep my job very long. If the words are bad, I wouldn’t have kept my job this long either.
Blurb my book and I’ll send you a Tickle Me Elmo.
It should be noted among all the whining that the “followback” was not so Brian could read all sorts of insightful commentary about life, but so that he (like anyone else that follows back) could be subjected to an endless array of spamming about horrible self-published crap. Twitter is full of people pimping crap that no one with greater intellectual power than that of a sea monkey would find interesting. But the deluge of spam continues, mainly from a bunch of whiny babies spamming their stuff and re-tweeting spam from other similarly untalented dopes.
After watching this stuff for years, I personally am very tired of it. Moron after moron doesn’t bother to work on their writing and try and better themselves, instead printing up whatever blather pours from their skull and printing it at Kinko’s and making it a “guaranteed good read” and then spamming endlessly to win some sort of award. This is boring. And wrong. Heaven forbid anyone actually put some actual work into their craft! It’s not fair! They deserve to be famous NOW. I blame American Idol for this sense of entertainment celebrity entitlement. I see it in all forms of entertainment these days, but the horror genre is plagued with this nonsense far more than anywhere else.
I could fix this if I was allowed to taser anyone at any time, but sadly laws need to be changed for this to happen…
“I could fix this if I was allowed to taser anyone at any time, but sadly laws need to be changed for this to happen…”
Are we going to make this into a show anytime soon? Meteornotes Tasers America? I’m am SO waiting for that to happen….
While I agree you were completely right to not “follow back” and you had sound reasons, and her reaction to stop following you was an overreaction, I do think immediately going to the “fuck off” place was a bit harsh and uncalled for. I mean, you could have just said “That’s your perogative” (if you wanted to get all Bobby Brown on her ass), I’m not sure the nature of your response was actually called for.
See earlier comments (I believe it was a response to Damien) as to why the polite route wasn’t considered.
I’m definitely in the “If they write it I’ll read it and buy it” group. Would I like to meet my favorite authors in person? Probably, but I know that’s not very likely. I know it’s even less likely I’ll be their BFF or that they’ll even like me. That doesn’t hurt my feelings, and it sure as hell won’t get me to stop being a fan or telling my friends “Hey I just read this great book you have GOT to get it!” I’m definitely not going to throw a fit because folks don’t want to follow me on twitter. I don’t use it much except to see what a handful of people are up to, and my life is less exciting than watching paint dry so everyone is welcome to move along, nothing to see here.
Brian’s a big boy and he can think for himself. Why do we feel the need to give him our opinions of his behavior?
Amy What’s-Her-Face was being a nuisance and Brian told her to fuck off. When you’re being a nuisance, you must understand that the person to whom you are being a nuisance has the right to either a) ignore it, b) tell you to fuck off or c) follow you back to your house and slap the shit out of you, then tell you to fuck off.
Fortunately for everyone involved Brian chose option B.
I’m not going to lose any sleep over it. I’m pretty sure Brian won’t, either.
I’m just looking forward to all the new re-releases…I never got a chance to buy Unhappy Endings.
Why can’t fans just sneak into your back yard and hump the contents of your garbage can, like in the good ol’ days? And yes, when they get to a discarded Pop Tart and fuck it, that would make them a “fucktart.” It happens to me all the time and it’s the best damn thing since waffles.
Good thing I wasn’t drinking my energy drinking while reading that, Jerrod, or I would’ve snorted it all over and be out another laptop…
All hail Brian, as I am a yes man.
Could you find a way to get Fucktart in your next book?
Hasta!
Dear Amelia,
If you wish to address the questions that have been put to you here, then the moderators will go ahead and continue to approve your comments. However, if you’re simply going to reiterate your tired, shrill screed that I’m a terrible person and a misogynist, and refuse to acknowledge the dialogue others (including myself) are trying to have with you, then I’m afraid that will be the end of it. I’m open to debate, conversation, and dialogue. I’m also willing to admit when I’m wrong. But if you’re not going to offer something intelligent to the conversation, then how about we just skip to the part where I tell you to fuck off, as well?
Do I lose feminist points for thinking “fucktart” funny as hell and not getting all wroth and offended?
– C.
“You write mediocre books of only marginally original stories. You’ve become pedantic and self aggrandizing. You are, in some circles, a joke, and that is a shame. Because once you were on your way to being a great man. Now you’re just a guy who tells everyone how great he is.”
Someones got a dictionary.
I find this reply shallow and Pedantic. -Peter Griffin
God I love this website! It’s Stephen King meets Howard Stern. Good shit! Now someone give Brian his own radio show on Sirius/XM. I’d listen to that (after Howard, of course).
“but…but…won’t you at least rec me for a Stoker before you unfriend me?”
And why do people use the term “hack” like it’s a bad thing?
I guess the state-controlled media has spoken. I think I’m going to cry now. The Emporer, who has no clothes, has proclaimed to the masses that another silenced voice of dissent is a fucktard. And they have cheered. My work here is done. See ya!
Not at all. There’s been plenty of dissent in this thread and elsewhere. Please show me where I called you a fucktard. Or fucktart, for that matter. What I said was that you could fuck off if you didn’t want to respond in a rational and intelligent manner, and address the questions people have asked you.
Also, for the record, the Emperor does indeed have clothes. I’m currently wearing a pair of Ghostbuster pajama pants, albeit nothing else. I hope that image, along with letting you get the last word, brightens your day.
I’m now picturing Dr. Venkman, with a Kimber in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other, going up against a horde of Slimers and giant worms. After the battle, he and Levi piss on the new graves, being double damn sure to not cross the streams.
State controlled media? Hardly. This is a person’s blog… If you can’t answer the questions directed at you and keep screaming the same thing over and over, you deserve to get your comments snipped.
“I’m currently wearing a pair of Ghostbuster pajama pants”
I see your Ghostbuster pajama pants, and raise you a pair of classic MARVEL HEROES pajama pants.
Perhaps that visual chased Ms. Bainbridge… oops, I mean “Amelia Bond”, away.
Abby’s pretty immune to the pajama pants, at this point. When I pull out the old high school varsity basketball shorts, however….
*the horror!*
Ah, I see. Wrong Abby….
All I want from Brian is good books and he provides them. A Shit ton of them
Dude rocks. Thanks Brian 
Also Speaking of Bourbon…
Check this out for all your needs?
http://www.bourbonenthusiast.com/forum/DBvd.php
Awwwww man, I want Ghostbuster pants!
I have been a fan of Brian’s for along time and this is my first visit to his blog and I have to say I have a ton of respect for him because of this. A lot of people in his situation would have gone the PC route and begged forgiveness due to fear of bad press or the need to appease the fucktarts, but he did not.
1) this is his site
2) he could have called someone somethin worse like a C U Next Tuesday, but he said fucktart…. damn chauvinist
3) he has been very pleasant and stated the facts surroundin the situation when the few (only a jizz shot worth) attacked him personally and referrin to him as havin a godlike complex and a nudist emperor…
well if you are offended then maybe his tweets or blogs are not for you. If you could not tell based on the outcome of the situation that started this thread, he probably does not care if you disagree with him. He already told one person to fuck off, I am pretty sure he will tell another one. Call me a fucktart but thats my assumption…
WWKD… tell the fucktart to fuck off
@robert:
“Isn’t a “fucktart” when you do something sexual with a Pop-Tart?”
Damn, someone bring this to Ed Lee’s attention… he can write a chap book about it!
8-D
Shit! I had no clue by me simply pointing out that some people might assume Brian was telling them to “fuck off” would lead to all of this. Brian, I feel for you man, it’s obvious you have some followers with issues. I feel as if I opened Pandora’s Box and can’t get it shut again. I certainly didn’t mean to stir up all the crazies and stalkers, but I am sure you realize that. I was simply stating that it is easy for comments to be misconstrued. Regardless, keep pumping out the books and we’ll keep buying them, even if Amelia doesn’t think they are worthy of wiping her self-righteous ass with.
BRAIN: Totally not your fault, dude. If anything, you kick-started what has been one of the most entertaining discussions here since last year’s digital debate.
Okay, great! I just wanted you to know I wasn’t trying to be a troll or anything like that. Believe me, I’m a huge fan and always will be. You could call me a fucktard, fucktart, or anything other fuck you’d want and I’d still be first in line to pick up whatever you have coming out. I think I would rather a zombie munch on balls than be lumped in with the likes of Amelia and that bunch. Anyway, always wishing you the best in all you do!
Brian, why my IP would be so familiar to you is a mystery. I am a real person ( use my email to check my facebook. Im never there, and my mom uses my page for farming and cafe-ing and such, but Im real) and I am not registered on any of your forums, your sites, and I do not participate in your discussions. It was a friend who does follow you who brought this to my attention. I probably shouldn’t have said anything. But it bothers me when a bright person suddenly starts to believe in their own hype. You have the makings of a lasting career- maybe not a stellar one ( in the overall scheme of things, you are not Shakespeare) but a lasting one. So why play into this persona of being a prick?
Times are harsh, Mr. Keene. And money is tight. When making decisions about what to spend my money on, I try to make the wisest decision possible. And if it comes to spending it on a well known writer, as opposed to someone who is less commercially viable- and who is also an asshole- guess where my money is going to go? Your writing is not good enough (yet) to overcome your need for attention. Why don’t you concentrate on improving your style for awhile, and leave the asshole routine to someone who can better afford to alienate their fans?
The only person I seem to have alienated is you. But thanks for your concern. It’s very sweet. And I think you’re correct in that you shouldn’t spend your money on my books. Instead, you should save it and buy a second computer so your Mom isn’t playing Farmville on yours.
Wow. Maybe that’s why you’re writing is lacking. You don’t bother to read. I said she uses my page, not my computer.If that was a slight attempt at humor you failed. Not surprisingly so.
And no, oh no, I am not the only person you have alienated. I am the only person willing to do so publicly. But I have noticed a few names on this page that can be found on other private forums taking your name in vain. Not everyone thinks of you as a god. But few are willing to put their careers on the line for fear of your “power” to blacklist and malign. I think they fear you needlessly.
Fear is not respect, and you are surrounded by mercenaries who will sell you out at the first opportunity.You have hangers-on a plenty, Mr. Keene. And some of them you consider friends. Perhaps you aren’t as bright as I thought.
Well, have a nice life, Mr. Keene. I hope things turn out for the best.
*yawn*
Here’s what you *still* fail to understand, Linda. I simply don’t care. I don’t care what some pinhead on the internet (you) who hides behind anonymity (you) and who uses the two to pump up their fragile self-esteem by spouting pseudo-intellectual psychobabble snark (again… you) thinks or says about me. It doesn’t impact my life in any way. If you don’t want to buy my books, then don’t buy my books. It doesn’t matter to me. You seem to expect me to react in some fashion to your revelations that there’s a possibility that somewhere on the internet, somebody doesn’t like me. That somewhere, a friend might be betraying me. Well, guess what, sweetheart? It’s been that way for 15 years. It will be that way for the next 15. And yet, I’m still here, doing what I do, which is entertain people and make their days a little better (except for yours).
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you aren’t an immediate family member, or one of a circle of seven friends, then a) I don’t 100% trust you, and b) at the end of the day, when I go to sleep, I don’t really give a fuck what you think or say. Oh, I might make a big show of it for public spectacle, because after all, that’s what the people want. But when the show is over? Yeah, not so much.
If you don’t want to buy my books, then don’t. If you don’t like what’s written here on this Blog, then why in the world would you keep coming back? Does your day to day life really have so little meaning and input that you’d continue to subject yourself to something you find so onerous or distasteful?
Now, unless you have something you’d like to contribute to the discussion at hand, why not head back to your “private” forum?
If that doesn’t put her down for the count I don’t know what will. Well done Mr. Keene!
Just read through this entire shebanger—easily the most entertaining blog post since—ever!…and as some have said above:
Wow—just, wow.